Jaded vision of the past
No longer remembers the words,
The exact sentences
The exact look on your face when the words were said
What is left are the feelings that lingered from those moments
The habits that formed from those moments
The pain that remains has situated itself inside of me
Turning sour
Little girl sits in the dark
Crying
STILL crying
Ultimately dying
For some the pain leaves,
For me it morphed
Morphed into sweet words and helping hands
Open heart and the ability to understand ALL
But myself
Not realizing that I never really dealt with my own pain
I try to help others prevent from doing the same
Tears streamlined
Little girl embarking upon a journey of her own
Something is wrong
She’s aware but cannot articulate
STILL cannot make the pain go away
Writes about it.Talks about it.
The feelings overwhelm
Silently she suffers
Brightly she smiles
Secrets
Confusion
MUCH confusion
When will the truth taste the dawn?
She is a pawn
An experiment
Mommy won’t come to grips with reality
Can’t look in the mirror and seek the change it needs to be
Holding herself,
little girl cries
Little girl dies
Lost in lust and rhyme
Little girl was a bonafide dime
One could not envision the pain
Bloodline contaminated, blood is bleeding……STAINED
Spreading,
Like HIV
Who in their right mind would think to love me?
That’s how it feels when you have to fight for it
When you have to bite for it
When you did not know you had rights for it
Not personal she tells her self
“They are the ones that really need the help”
Friends cannot rescue they can only listen
Increased pain
Drought of rain
NEVER will it
go a way
But now,
I have to face me
STILL that little girl in the mirror I see
WHY?
WHY won’t she go away?
WHY won’t the pain leave?
Why does it keep playing hide and go seek?
Times that I wanted to die,
Sitting in the empty bath tub,
I cried
I called HIS name
I sat still
I listened
I opened up my heart so that my life would not end
I called on a friend
God told me my purpose
To be a woman of the truth
To write, to see, to speak
All of this to make whole of me
Copyrighted by Ashley S.C. Walls 2007


